Show newer

goodbye world (turning off instance to take a backup this time like a not idiot)

Thanks twice weekly check-in to Twitter for this hilarious news

Show thread

Head and heart full of homemade white sauce with just a *touch* too much vinegar

one time i got home from work and my roommate and his girlfriend were having some kinda heated argument, and they looked up at me like "okay, so, JD, is Carnation Instant Breakfast, by itself, actually breakfast?"

This is where if images were working I'd post master shake saying the line

Show thread

woke up to the story about the border collie that was ejected during a crash and found on a nearby sheep farm herding sheep, literally isekai'd into his instinctual calling and living it up. so my day is going pretty good.

wizards will see a witch live to see old age without having to become a lich and say "witches aren't even powerful enough to blow themselves up before the age of 50"

you: I am a wizard,

me as a fantasy therapist: [discreetly writing on my clipboard] danger... to... self... and... others

Who let me type words 

Inflates your missing person, big and round in my tummy

I watched my cousin play most of the main kingdom hearts games as a kid and watched a buddy play the first one a couple years ago and I couldn't tell you anyone in it outside of original Disney characters until this web of sites

Spider-key, spider-key,
Does whatever a misskey can

Show older
Happy to be Here

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!