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great fursonas when you can't decide if you like cats or dogs more:

fox
hyena
eevee
catdog from classic Nickelodeon show "CatDog"

Ashton Kutcher replacing comfortable worn couches with brand new ones that feel like solid rock

The mad man strikes again

all of your crushes look like they could have the name "brandon" whereas all of my crushes look like they could have the name "mykonos." clearly we are not the same

my boss: *about to cry in the zoom meeting* I'm just so grateful for this team...
me: *didn't hear what she said, I'm studying this image on my phone*

hello Sephora? yes I'm looking for a gentle moisturizer for my grizzled hide

what i've learned from my decades on the fediverse is that there's an emoji for every conceivable thought, concept, and emotion

don't you dare glomp me... not when you've left your wife's bed cold for months

english is tough cause we got phrases like "busting my balls" and "busting a nut" with very very different meanings

"Hello I'm (not my name), and I'm calling you about... some rather worrying things they wrote in this ticket about your printer. It's smoking and broken into pieces? Relatable (mumbled). Anyway, I will reach out to you on Skype, have a nice day"

You: my mind is an extendable box cutter
Me: my mind is a nerf gun
We are not the same

I Know What You Did During A Very Specific Summer, The Summer of Anno Domini Nineteen Sixty-Nine— Bryan Adams

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Food 

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